Vent

I had a very bad day today. It started out very calm and relaxed then my boyfriend came home. He was having an awful day so it rubbed off on me. Then the night ended in a very silent unspoken argument and he abruptly stopped off the face of the world in a way he doesn’t normally. Something was very wrong, I could tell.
So I’ve had time to think about this.
There is a poison in my life right now that I keep getting whiff of.
One that I’m still having a hard time coming to terms with.
I think this might be the decline of our relationship because of that.. But I guess we’ll just see.. Im really torn up and crushed right now but I also know that I tend to over think things even if I am picking up on something.
I feel very lost right now. So I downloaded wurm again.
I’m not sure if I’ll stay there but I couldn’t do anything but just sit there in shock feeling like someone was standing on my chest.
Either way. My heart hurts really bad right now because of something that was both said and unsaid and I think I need everything to stop for a moment and just hide.
It makes me wanna curl up into a ball and die.
Psa: I don’t care how bad someone feels. If they care about you they won’t drag you down to their level and leave you there. I keep hearing in my mind “your significant other is supposed to make your life better, not worse” when I have moments like these.
The only thing that’s kept me fighting against all of this might have washed away tonight from a single photo. A photo that was sent out of misguided trust.
I apologise for the tldr post. I feel like I can’t talk about this to anyone.
The only other closest friend I normally confide in has decided to go on a hermitage.
I know it’s possible I’ll get a few “dm me” or “you can talk to me anytime” and I appreciate those but I can’t… Not really. My anxiety only let’s me trust so many people and it takes ages to become comfortable with people enough now to get everything off my chest. Shouting into the void about my issues feels safer for some stupid reason.
I already had a million other problems I was trying to deal with.. I don’t need a breakup to top it off..