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Saturday, July 11, 2020

Health Update


Old photo is old but I'd rather start my life update entries out with an image and all of the images that I have right now are currently top secret because I'm working on a project with other people oxo

Okay so. News. Here we go.

December-ish I started having frequent migraines that interfered with me doing anything at all. They'd literally shut me down and I'd have to go to sleep to survive them.
I went to the hospital a few times because of how unbearable they were.
They were all really traumatic.

Feb rolls around and it hadn't been too long since I went to the hospital about another migraine and my heart starts doing this terrifying thing that lands me on the floor and in an ambulance.

The day after I get back from the ER visit for it I can't walk. I can- but I walk like an old lady and I can't stand for very long. Breathing is difficult. Lifting anything is impossible.

Trash starts piling up, gnats are everywhere, I basically live in a dumpster. I can't cook for myself. I'm killing myself trying to just cross the road to walk my dog, stand there dying from pain, and walk back again. Several times I literally have to sit down on the cement to compose myself and gain my breath back again. Another time I almost fell in the middle of the road. All because the kitchen is already a wreck and I don't want my doggo stuck in a place of his own waste if I stop taking him out.

I am in my own hell.

I talk to my caseworker about the issue. I'm up to my ears in stress and hopelessness.
No one really helps or understands.

I give up.
I call my insurance and take a risk. Ask them, knowing that I'm still too young and have no actual diagnosis for what's wrong with me-- if they can send me in-home-help/nursing.

We push it for weeks. In the first couple of weeks, the system just isn't accepting my request. The lady managing my case is lovely and fights for me.

A couple of days ago a lady shows up at my door and comes in to talk with me (with a mask! I also never open my door for any reason without one on as well)

She looks at the place, she speaks with me and tells me she'll get permanent staff to help me as soon as she can- it'll take a week or two at most.

I can't get over how happy I am. I've felt trapped for so long. It's finally happening.
I don't have to order food anymore and keep putting on this weight because it's literally all I can do to eat. I literally couldn't just walk back and forth from the kitchen or stand there and make something for myself let alone do dishes so I've just been piling the weight on and I hate it- it makes me hate food and myself.

They'll be cooking for me, doing my laundry, vacuuming, helping me bathe, the whole deal until I can get myself fixed-- if I can-- god I hope I can x.x

I've also been helping a friend develop a species for a discord they have planned. I have lots of art I *could* share but nothing has been released yet so I'm having to hold off, I apologize.

I've done a bit of character concepts and have found that I'm enjoying pushing environmental concepts as well. I'm not getting paid for anything so it's good practice for me and I don't feel like I'm letting anyone down if I miss a few.

The moment I'm able to I'll release them here.

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Bleh


Made a quick shop image for discord. Will probably eventually change it to something else but I figured I represent myself most so here's me being awful at 3AM
(I literally haven't touched a donut in months so idk- I just like donuts)

Today was bleh. I mean- it started out okay.
Home help paid me a visit... while I was asleep..
I missed their visit. They left a card for me. In my defense I had no idea they even knew I existed yet. They could have at *least* called me first. 'Specially since they're visiting from a city or so away.

I spoke to my mother for a while on the phone because I'm sending her my Wii. I don't use it anymore. I bought it to play with her and my brother. My brother played with me twice, my mother never played with me (even  though I literally bought like six games just so we'd have something to do together).

I left myself on hot mic and my fiance heard the details of what my heart is putting me through all at once in full detail and it ruined the rest of his night. He was very short with me and turned in early so he could stop thinking about everything and sleep it off. He doesn't deal well with anxiety.

I've just been sitting here ever since in the wake of things feeling guilty.

Sunday, July 5, 2020

Closed Species : PuffPlush : Kit


KyttnxKisaragi at FurAffinity (I pop in every now and then but I am not posting normally there) released a free MYO for their species PuffPlush a while back. This is my second entry, right before the deadline because I'm an "adult".

This is Kit. She and Bonnie live on a farm together in the woods. Bonnie is Kit's girlfriend.
Kit likes to smith and craft with wood. They're also not opposed to getting shoulder deep in the mud if it helps the farm.
I still have a lot of fleshing out to do on these two but they'll have two different story lines because they're from a species where they're part doll. I imagine the species will have a strict universe they live in and rules where they live inside of it, etc etc.

I've been a tad quiet here because things are tough here at the moment. I still haven't received a callback from home help and things seem to be getting worse with my heart. Monday, the lady who manages help for me is going to call me back and check in to see if they ever contacted me and we'll go from there.. a third time : /

So I've been drowning my anxiety in Rimworld for the time being. I'll try to remember to post screenshots soon so everyone can see me hyperfixating on a pretty Rimworld map xD with my thousands of mods.

Monday, June 29, 2020

Closed Species : PuffPlush : Bonnie


KyttnxKisaragi at FurAffinity (I pop in every now and then but I am not posting normally there) released a free MYO for their species PuffPlush a while back but I couldn't help but to push a little money to be able to do what I really wanted to with this baby.
I might try for the second one but there's not a lot of time left for them. I may just let them go, sadly. We'll see.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

It's Time to Move On


I've had Bis for ages now. She comes from a dark time in my life and it's time to unearth her, dust her off and remold her. Give her new meaning, new purpose.
She's a magic user now. The dagger she has on her is for healing.
Her hair is longer, I got rid of her buns, I added braids to bring her hair slightly back
I gave her an actual dress, underdress, cloak and new everything really
She's kept her staff, I may change that as well, tough.
I'll probably continue to tweak her design until I'm 100% with it, until then this is just a test drive.